I totally hear your point, and it is one I get frustrated about quite often. As a public defender, I often have to acknowledge patterns associated with race/gender/ethnicity/class/etc. that make me, and other people, extremely uncomfortable. As a liberal, well-educated, white woman I feel like any comment I make regarding race, no matter how benign or true, is immediately suspect. It completely sucks.
That being said, I'm not sure what this person said wasn't racist, or at least unacceptably racial in content. Is going to the "you people" place ever okay? Is it ever acceptable a white person ever suggest to a person of color that his conduct is an example of the worst stereotypes about his race, and tell him to shape up? I acknowledge a meaningful distinction between that kind of statement and the typical racist "well, all blacks/Mexicans/Irish are lazy/violent/stupid," but I'm not sure using negative stereotypes to shame people is ever appropriate.
Ultimately I think this is one of those cases where it is the position of the speaker, rather than the content of the speech, that makes it inappropriate and potentially racist. As a woman, I could pull a younger female colleague aside and say "Honey, the way you dress is sexually provocative and you might want to cover up a little more if you want to be taken seriously." I might, in fact, be expected to do so. If a man said that it would be view at least as sexist and very possibly as actionable sexual harassment, even if it was said with the exact same good intentions. If a black man had pulled that little boy aside and said exactly the same thing we wouldn't say it was racist, but that doesn't necessarily make it okay for a white man to say it.
So I think what we have here is a distinction between statements that are racist per se, and statements that are racist only because of their larger social context.
Finally, apropos nothing in particular, the word "racist" is so loaded I was uncomfortable using it in the comment because, regardless, I don't think the OP deserves to be sent to the Island of Racist Assholes. I think he was just someone who got really mad and landed a couple of punches below the belt. Not okay, but totally understandable and forgivable.
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That being said, I'm not sure what this person said wasn't racist, or at least unacceptably racial in content. Is going to the "you people" place ever okay? Is it ever acceptable a white person ever suggest to a person of color that his conduct is an example of the worst stereotypes about his race, and tell him to shape up? I acknowledge a meaningful distinction between that kind of statement and the typical racist "well, all blacks/Mexicans/Irish are lazy/violent/stupid," but I'm not sure using negative stereotypes to shame people is ever appropriate.
Ultimately I think this is one of those cases where it is the position of the speaker, rather than the content of the speech, that makes it inappropriate and potentially racist. As a woman, I could pull a younger female colleague aside and say "Honey, the way you dress is sexually provocative and you might want to cover up a little more if you want to be taken seriously." I might, in fact, be expected to do so. If a man said that it would be view at least as sexist and very possibly as actionable sexual harassment, even if it was said with the exact same good intentions. If a black man had pulled that little boy aside and said exactly the same thing we wouldn't say it was racist, but that doesn't necessarily make it okay for a white man to say it.
So I think what we have here is a distinction between statements that are racist per se, and statements that are racist only because of their larger social context.
Finally, apropos nothing in particular, the word "racist" is so loaded I was uncomfortable using it in the comment because, regardless, I don't think the OP deserves to be sent to the Island of Racist Assholes. I think he was just someone who got really mad and landed a couple of punches below the belt. Not okay, but totally understandable and forgivable.